How To Turn An Adversary Into Your Friend When Negotiating
The structure of a negotiation is generally assumed to be adversarial. that assumption explains why many negotiations fail.
When negotiating, we are dealing with actual or possible differences with someone else. It doesn’t matter if you are negotiating with your team member, stakeholder, or a vendor, but we want to deal with those differences in a way that leaves us feeling satisfied and that wastes as little time and as few resources as possible.
In negotiation, the power of a personal connection can bridge the gap between “our side” and “theirs”, and in most cases, obligates us to search for an agreement of mutual benefit, and more likely to honor this agreement. We and the other negotiator counterpart may have the same role, but if we never discover our common role if we don’t obtain any personal connection. Personal connection can also act as a safety net in the event that discussion gets tense.
Here are some tips to bridge the gap between “our side” and “theirs”.
1- Arrange to meet in an informal setting before negotiating. It may reduce the danger of miscommunication, and you can watch the other person’s body language, their tone of voice, and the content of the message.
2- When negotiating, sit side by side, if that is reasonably possible.
3- Refer to the importance of their interests, which makes the other party with a feeling of being understood and offers the greatest opportunity to forge a sense of closeness.
4- Emphasize the shared nature of the work you are both facing.
5- Avoid dominating the conversation. Always allow the other party to talk, and meanwhile, be an active listener.
Understanding the physical signals of emotional distance can help you measure the degree of connection between you and another. It can also warn you when you are in danger of overstepping the other’s personal boundaries or getting too close for comfort.
Sometimes, strong personal connections may not be enough to secure a collaborative relationship. It can lead us to make bad decisions. In this case, don’t forget that wise decisions involve both your head and your gut. So, try to understand and separate your head from your gut feeling by asking yourself the following questions:
Head (logical) – What is my BATNA – Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement? If I don’t reach an agreement, what am I going to do? What would be the costs, schedule, scope, quality impact?
Gut feeling – How am I feeling about committing to this decision? If I say no, how will I feel later (close your eyes, check your guts)? If I say yes, how will I feel later (does this decision feel right? Why?)?
When you are checking with your gut or your intuition to learn how something would feel to you, you may need to be careful not to substitute someone else’s presumed feeling for your own. By using your head and your gut, you protect yourself from being manipulated and you will improve the quality of your own decisions.
In any scenario you should always think about negotiation being a “joint problem solving”, instead an adversarial situation.
march 20, 2017 Share:
Author
Giana Rosetti is an electrical engineer and a PMP certified with a successful track record directing projects and programs at Project Management Office (PMO) level with a combined knowledge of engineering, research and analysis.